You really need a reason for everything?

My view of life is sort of pessimistic.
I admit, I guess that's how sometimes I hard to get happiness and fulfillment.

"Everything occurred in life comes with a mean."
"For every failure we learn a lesson"

Sometimes I doesn't go along with this ideas.
In fact most of the time, I dislike the mainstream ideas.
Especially those persuasive one.

Sometimes we do blame:
"What a waste of time!"
"It is meaningless."

Of cause, come to think of it, may be you really can get some value, and find yourself actually "learn" something through the process. Most of the time. So people says that everything happened, we learn, we value, we appreciate.

You say if live long enough, you have a different viewpoints.
That's when you think that, it actually is not so critical at all.

But come on, give me a break.
First of all, I am only 23, so it is impossible for me to live long enough.
Secondly, once you achieve another stage of life, of course to you think it is not so critical: Think of it, you have more ability, now it seems easier, but don't think back, with the current mindset, the current you, comparably is another person despite the one who was facing the problem.

Sometimes we do repeat mistakes, sometimes something is unrecoverable.
They are avoidable. Human easily forgets.
What is you forget? Do you really remember everything in life?
May be, but most of them wont be always kept in mind, isn't it?
So it can't be everything has a meaning.

Besides, do you really need a reason for everything? such that you feel the loss is recoverable, or partially compensated?
Actually I would suggest that in some way, some issues is solely pain.
It may be doesn't kill you, someone suggest "It make you stronger" as you are able to tolerate a second wave.
--But, how many challenges really occurred twice in you life?

Somehow, I think.
In a period of life, for some people, it will really be a period of emptiness.
No value of that.
No reason for that.
You don't need it.
You can't be bothered, even.

Wait

I have been waiting.
I have been waiting everyday.

But it all turns out to be disappointment.
I gave it another chance.
"Nevermind, we try again."
It stares at me, silently.

People used to tell me,
that I just expecting too much.
Less expectation, and there would be more happiness.
Besides that, it may turns up some surprise.

Everyday, I stand and observe.
Nothing Happen.
Many people trusted that there would be miracle happens on them.
I believe miracle too, just that I knew that it won't befall on me.
I suppose it was too busy as many people was expecting him to do something.
So, what I can do is to be on my own, to make it less workload on him.
I can't be expecting too much, I doesn't pay him.

Once more.
May be I put on the first step.
May be I sound it out, loudly?

Nothing.
Still Nothing.

I guess it was what happen to others who is around.
They tried. they shouted, they screamed, they cried, they fighted.
Until someday they no longer heard, no longer touched, no longer felt.

The people no longer believe in the fairies.
That's why it never seen again.
There is when the lost of trust and faith.
Where we lost the myth and spirits.

The stories may be still, yet, tell.
But we call it Illusion and Imagination.
Or perhaps Invention and Copyright.

I have been waiting.
But, may be not anymore.

问卷调查--电讯篇

最近收到某电话公司的调查表。
据说填完后抽奖。
有机会赢得最新发明的phone call filtering application
据说用的是google引擎，品质可以信任。

以下是相关内容：
1）一周内你的电话通话使用额度是？
A)>>100分钟（打出少于10分钟...接的多）
B)50-100分钟左右
C)少于50分钟
D)不定

答案：A

2）以100为满，请填入以下于你通话者的比重：（加起来要等于100）
(50)父母/家人
(00)男/女朋友
(00)朋友
(50)保险经纪/财务规划员
(50)普通朋友
(50)直销代理
(00)地产经纪
(00)“中奖”电话
(00)问卷调查
(00)法庭
(00)“法庭”
(00)"你个仔家吓在我手上...“ （我未婚...T.T）
(00)"请勿出席特大..."
备注：加起来真的是100

3）一般通话的话题内容是？
a) 吃饱了没？ (起身嗬尿咯...)
b) 有女朋友了没？(无...)
c) 好久不见！出来见个面吧！(...)
d) Honey~有无挂住我丫？(有...有人酱问我的话就一定有)
e) 这期可大手买入。(边只？边只？)
f) 恭喜你！你中奖了！
g) 这里是高庭，你于某月某日被传召...
h) 周末去那里玩？(在家发霉...)

4）这些群组的电话，那些是你想过滤的？
那个都可以，就想看看这个过滤软件有没有那么神解决200%的问题。
不过要有disable功能

2010

2010
年关，总是特别难过。

通常12月尾的几天，总会思考：这一年，我都做了些什么。

小时候尤其如此。
到了大学的时候，由于一学期的结尾在5月，
一年，突然变得很模糊。

今年的一年，似乎就更模糊了。
也许，人长大了，是会对这种定义越来越模糊的。
无他，一年的分量，对于活了20年的人来说，
只是回忆的不超过5%，
渐渐，还会更少，更少。

2009年
- 我第一次在新加坡以外踏足其它国家
- 我毕业了。 同时也完成了大学的目标
- 过了接近半年空洞的待业生活
- 跟钱有仇

时钟在倒数凌晨12点的那一段时间。
突然脑袋很空。

也许此刻我想到了以后努力的方向，
但同时也发现，自己的生活一塌糊涂。
一下子，这些话，没有想对他说的人，也没有可以说的人。
许多事情，就让它们遗失在2009吧。