2009/12/20

雨天

长周
--一周五天半
是有点累赘的。
累赘不是因为五天半,而是周末剩下区区的一天半。
加班的话,只剩一天。
长周不要紧,要紧的是短周末。

-------------------------------------

上班出门前下雨,
会否许多人直叹倒霉呢?

雨伞在前年遗失在南大后,
一直没有中意的。
下雨的早上,只好淋着雨到车站。

连续两个下雨的早上。
原来
下雨的早上,
搭MRT的人是会少许多的。
比起平日每站挤挤压压
车内的人怕出不了门口,打死不向内移动多半步;
车外的人奋直冲前,怕上不了车,不等里面的人出来,就挡住了出口。

雨天,少人的MRT,可爱多了。
虽然走得慢了些。
比起往常预算的一小时十五分钟,变成了一小时半余。
不过变得安静得多,有空间得多。
至少,这时候想要看看报纸,翻翻书,睡个觉都可以。

雨天去上班,
心情会变得好得多。

当然,
在繁忙时间,二十多岁的男性,
是没有资格坐下的。

2009/12/14

手表

在非同类产品竞争中。
恐怕手表和手机是一个表表者。

对于我而言,没有手表是一件麻烦的事。
然而大学四年,却几乎没有带手表。
最初的原因是表带坏了,无暇更换;
后来换了一个织布表带,心想该会比较耐。
哪晓得带来非常不舒适,
后来干脆不带了,时间就看手机算了。

记得那个年代,所谓的潮人,
是穿着长袖衬衫,突然一位美女问道
“先生,请问现在几点?”
在街上把左手举起,再打横往眼前一送
--于是袖子区区向内移,露出了在手上的劳力士。

去面试,一定要买一只手表,
而且绝对不可以是塑胶表,要是指针式的金属表,
哪怕是pasar malam RM5一只的假货。
手表,象征了有时间观念。

这个年代,带手表的人仍然多,但相信不比有手机的人多。
潮人不再扬起袖子,而是伸手向裤袋。
在电车了突然响起一首流行歌曲,抑或是古灵精怪的预录铃声,
突然中断:“喂~”

很少会有人问现在几点,
有的话,多半是刚刚重设电话时间,或是电话没电。
结果我们少了不少跟美女搭讪的机会。

当然,手表仍旧还是有手表的市场。
- 防水,防震,防跌,手机不可能以低价办到。
- 持久,电子的,自动的,最短的能够跑一年。手机如果忘记充电,十分糟糕。
- 款式,收入再高,你也不可能拥有十几部手机,占用十几个电话号码。
- 轻巧。当然,科技越来越发达,以后的手表,可能是手机,可能要叫表机,可能要叫表手机,可能要叫手表机...管他的...我只是在凑字数...
- 个人的偏见。手表还是需要的。

于是,前几天,终于乖乖地把手表带换了。
题外话: 女店员还蛮漂亮的说。

巧遇

这几天,很巧妙地遇上了两位许久不见的朋友。
两次都是匆匆地见到,匆匆地打了声招呼,寒暄一下。
然后又匆匆地道别了。
过程不超过5分钟。

惭愧的,我自认是个难约的人。
而每每到了我很想见某人的时候,
就到自己碰了壁。
--这大概叫做报应。

不是很喜欢约人,
总要花很多时间。
有位朋友是这种性子的
打个电话:
“周末出去”
“去哪?”
“哪都行,你安排”
心里就会骂:“现在谁约谁啊?”
有的人会说,想见的话,谁安排又有和所谓?

自己一个人出外,轻松得多:
找一辆顺眼的巴士
找一个顺眼的巴士站下车。
解决。

朋友之间,见一个面有多难?
前面提到了,见个面只需要5分钟。
人怎么忙,一天之内,总会有许多个5分钟的。
偏偏,就是想见我的人见不着;
我想见的人也见不着。
我想见,而对方也说想见,也还是见不着。

对一个每天失去4个小时在交通上的上班族来说,
巧遇,
可以说是一种恩赐,
是不劳而获。
另外附赠意外惊喜。
无需策划,无需专程,更不怕被放飞机。
更妙的是不必担心对方刚刚加入了直销,保险,财务行列...

不切实际地,认为巧遇就好。
渐渐长大了,才认输了。朋友间见面,不刻意的话,怎么行?
这一个年代,我们认为网路,电话,拉近了世界的距离,却又拉远了人们的距离。
也许因为任何人都触手可及了,变得不再那么渴望见面了。
有时候打开即时通,面子书,突然觉得许多人都遥不可及。
世界不是很小吗?怎么就见个面,那么的难呢?
其实,不外是自己每日的生活作息,已经成了一个线性方程的轨迹
即使有着许多人沿着同一个轨迹方程的路线,
却没有在同一参数T的下,刚好交汇,自然就见不着任何人。
一般的见面,是要去触发的。
邂逅是缘分,维持是心意。

因为如此认为,在例外的巧遇,
十分可爱。

2009/12/06

空地

午,下班
不巧大雨,于是转道Jurong Point逛逛。

第二,三楼处接近Harvey Norman的地方,
很不协调的出现了一片空地。

然而空地不空。

有人拿着手提电脑在上网,
另外有人拿来做休息处。
一位爸爸正在和两位子女来回赛跑,妈妈做裁判。

看起来空地比专门店还要有趣得多。

记得兴华综合大楼,由于礼堂有两层楼高,
一楼到二楼的楼梯处,
也有个很不协调的空间,也没有布告栏。
每次经过的时候,总是在想可以拿来做些什么的。

空。
犹如白白一张纸,总令我们想填上些什么。
但每次填上后,却又总觉得似乎限制了这张白纸,不再有趣了。

2009/11/27

MRT Idiots

My daily route is travel from Chao Chu Kang to Eunos, early at 7am;
back trip at 6pm(Ideal) on working days.

Both of the time are within peak hours.

I am quite disappointed it hardly to see a proper queue while waiting for the trains, or buses while this land gave me an impression queuing is everywhere.
May be we have a better chance to see queuing at the Singapore Poll branches.

Without questions Singapore has one of the world best rail and road network,
However, some inconsiderate passengers have made an imperfection.

I call them the MRT Idiots.
Some of the behavior, may be fine during off peak, but represents selfishness, arrogant of such persona.

IDIOT ONE:
Head directly towards the center lane of the entrance, instead of standing on the side of entrance before train arrives. Ignoring others who wait on the side to cut the queue. Disrespect, yet blocking the way for those who will be alighting from the train.

IDIOT TWO:
Hastily bump into the train without waiting those who alighting.

IDIOT THREE:
Leaning on the grab post, while the train who is full of passengers without any support. Everyone lose their balance on a sudden break.

I have not account for those occupying reserved seats when there are those who needed around, I willfully assume *they really needing that due to monday blue, restless, insomnia, break up with girl friend etc etc...Also those who tuned their MP4, video, MTV, Radio, PSP, NDS, Gaming sounds on...I understand that you need to utilize your travel time and save the cost for a ear jack...Also those unwilling to move in to create more space as I know you need to "Chiong" out of the MRT ASAP...

Of course, it is much appreciated for those who kindly offering their seat to the others.

2009/11/18

Start The Engine

Guess my friends had been tired hearing me yawning for jobless.

The good news is I finally enter a contract of 6 months, as a Mechanical Design Engineer.

Having an over-length-ed holiday, (approximately 5 months since May, I guess it compensated as I never let myself have one since academic year 3). I am very sure I have enough, but also worry that could not get adapt to the new lifestyle.

something I must remind myself:
1) Keep money.
2) No room for mistakes.
3) Wake up early.
4) Sleep early.
5) Don't ignore the clock.
6) Be fit, no room to sick nor leave.
7) Get Experienced.
8) Initiative.
9) Humble, Learn Fast and Smart.
10) Work Hard, Live Hard.
11) Remember that there was a even harder time.
12) Strive, I will get there.
13) DON'T GET FIRED.

The bad news is you will be starting to hear me yawning: "I don't want go to work."

2009/10/26

三支筷子

最近附近的餐廳的免洗筷,不知為何,變成了三支包裝。
其實筆者也不確定是否是最近。
誠因筆者外食甚少使用即用即丟。

一腦疑惑下,我隨即想起了一首歌:
“三支筷子,三支筷子,夾得快,夾得快,一會換換這支,一會換換那支,真可愛,真可愛。”

怎么會有三支筷子呢?
筆者想了老半天,還是想不出個所以然。
不過倒是可以猜猜的。

1)有一支原本明正言順的筷子,用到一半的時候不見了,于是就以為掉到了地上,就叫伙計拿多一支。天知道那一支也沾到了湯后,才發現原來筷子又突然出現在碗里。這時候非常頭痛,因為不知道現在到底哪一支才是應該要用的筷子,自己決定由似乎對其中一支很不公平;司法解決,為了一支筷子對薄公堂又未免被控藐視法庭。偏偏“筷子使用守則”又沒有說明該怎么辦。只好讓他們就這樣鬧雙胞。

2)其實正宗的筷子,是三支使用的。(怎樣用?一支左手,一支右手,一支用嘴巴咬著:“我是羅羅洛亞·卓羅!”)

3)筷子擺太久了,成親連兒子都生了。

4)市場調查發現吃飯掉一支筷子的使用群是使用群50%,也就是因為掉筷子換筷而浪費掉不經使用的單筷等同于使用群的50%。與其這樣,不如一開始就置入第三支筷子,這樣浪費掉的筷子也剛好是使用群數量的50%,但是卻省下了不可循環的包裝紙袋,而且深受因為為了換筷子給人而導致壓抑太久患了憂郁癥的茶室老板所歡迎...

5)第三支,其實是給你做牙簽的...

6)第三支,其實是拿來插朋友碗里的食物的...

7)這家筷子商經過知名風水師指點,三散不盡,祿祿無窮...

8)就是為了讓筆者寫為此寫一篇部落格(筆者盡量在辦了...要計窮了....)

9)其實大家不必那么介意,下面的可以不用看了,反正我打算說這其實是一個抽獎游戲,凡是抽到三支筷子的人都可以到筷子廠去拿能用一輩子的筷子...

10)這其實是市場上的捆綁式銷售手法,以便把筷子的銷售量提高50%

11)其實是筆者一直拿到包裝出了問題的筷子...(反正一兩次,算什么)

12)在很久很久以前...有三支筷子,老大懶惰,老二不認真,只有老三最勤勞...

13)這其實是情侶筷,每人各拿一支代表彼此還是擁有私人空間,共用一支寓意分享甘苦...

14)其實是筷子和香兩用的...

15)曾經有一對成雙的筷子在我面前,我沒有好好珍惜,直到跌到地上了我才后悔莫及。如果上天再多給我一次機會,我會告訴店家說:“掉筷子”,如果要我在筷子的數量上加一個限制,我會說:“要一支”...(什么老橋段嘛...)

16)其實真的不用那么介意,這是附送的...

17)其實真的不用那么介意,給了錢的...


其實真的不必那么介意,覺得浪費的話,就自備餐具,或是使用非免洗的筷子吧...讓免洗筷絕種吧...

2009/10/23

Lost in Interchange

A bus lost in the interchange.
Confused.

Stand still, at the center of the parking lot.
He sees everyone starting to busy,
taking their passenger, servicing to their destiny.

"Go into the world!
Now the world is at your tyres.
Head to wherever you want!"
Smiled.
It was just upon his completion of assembly.

But now, he is still.
Can't help questioning himself, how?

He still don't have a service route number.
Everyday, he queued.
Asking the service line managers to let him drive under one of their number.

"You know the route of this path?"
"Not quite sure, but I am willing to learn."
"Nay, you have to be certain, we want the best, you see."

"You got the luxury premier bus certification?"
"No, I am on the base line model."
"Sorry, we are limited to luxury."
"But I am really interest to run on a canyon."
"Boy, to run on canyon you need a good suspension, we can't risk ourself for your interest."

"You just too narrowed down yourself, seek for other possibilities."
"I did..."

"You are new, why would you want to service on a public line?"
"To get close to people."
"You lied. You actually not interested on commercial line right?"
"I think you have to be more clear what you want. It is risky if you are not prepared to. Do some work. "

"You got the Interchange Service Pass Invitation yet?"
"No, I was not given the offer."
"Sorry, we were only limited to those who surely can get the pass. We were out of quota, you see."

"I have to see whether you are fit."

"I afraid your engine is not really relevant with town route."

"Thank you for your interest, but you are not eligible."

"Please not come back again if we not contacting you."


"You expecting too much."
"Issit?"
"Sorry, but we are only seeking for minibus, you see."

"What about a temporary line."
"I may be caught for illegal servicing, you see. They doesn't allow buses like me to ride on temporary line, or even set up my own service."

"May be you just goto your original interchange, will have more chances."
"May be..."

"It is just not the time yet, you sure will get your number."
"I know."
"Do I?"

2009/10/17

Interview

" Mr. Unc..."
"Yup!"
"Can you introduce yourself?"
"Let see...I am Unc, 23-year-old, bachelor, in both relationship and academic profile, my interest is blogging, I got a father, a mother, and a sister at home, I stay in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia, I..."
"Ok...Ok..." ( How is it my concern...)
"Is it your first interview...?"
"Err...not really..." (Ok..it is, else he totally don't know what is the problem)
"FINE...what not, lets talk about some of your relevant experience? such as past project?"
"What about management skill?"
"Err...I did managed a restaurant before."
"OK, can tell me further what you did?"
"Basically I take care of the logistic management, you see, such as materials, inventory, layout arrangement, human resources, public relations, budget control..."
"A broad jobscope, may I know what was the position?"
"Errr...player? or owner?"
"Player? what do you mean by that?"
"Well, it was Restaurant City...in FB."
"FB?"
"ya..Facebook."

"..."
"Ok...you got any other past experience?"
"Yea...sure, I managed farms too."
"Farm?..."
"Yeah, and theme park too!"

"OK...I SEE YOU ALSO HAVE HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE..."
"Yea, I came out BOM(Bill of Materials), sourcing them, and then make robots."
"tell me more of your product then. Do you design them?"
"Oh, no, they was actually set by the developer, I just goto different part of the world, defeat the evils robot to get their parts..."
"...."

"How about your PS skill? Proficient?"
"Of course! Pet Society!"
"Err...sorry, I meant, photoshop."
"Ops, sorry, I just lost my mind when I think of it."
"Playfish is a innovative developer."
"...ok."

"I think that's all I need, you got any other questions?"
"Err...I hope you don't mind, actually I was part of a mafia...I know it was..."
"Yayaya...I knew...Mafia Wars, I played too. I will come back to you if we decided to give you an offer...before that...good bye.tata..."

2009/10/07

午夜游魂

两点。
只是太多事情想不通。

对空间的需索突然膨胀。
屋子里显得不够。

独自出了门。
走着平时走的路。

午夜的街上,车辆不多。
宁静,只身的人走在路上落单。

每走了一段路,会想,
该回去了吧。
但思绪似乎仍然缭乱。
走着走着。
目标方向不明确的人,
总是对前进抱着犹豫态度,
但后退,又能否转身大步的爽快?
总是在前进和后退之间,踌躇推敲。
总是在十字路口的中央,东张西望。

走了长长一段。快到了另一端。
晚风飕飕掠过。才真正令人有些快意。
但另一边厢也开始担忧着下雨。

依然茫然地走。
在终于下起了雨之后,
一个人望着路边的街灯,
看那金黄色的雪花,轻轻打在身上。

满意了。回去了。
也许不知道哪来的兴致,
不为什么,只是纯粹想凉快一下。
这种任性,开始渐渐被磨得殆尽。

2009/09/27

爱情与工作

这应该不是一个吸引人的题材。
反正都被人写到烂,写到显了。

以前绝对不会把爱情跟工作拿来比较。
但是现在我相信,一个单身的失业汉,是有够倒霉的。

“你喜欢什么类型的?”
“不要担心,你会找到的。”
“没可能,是你眼光太高了吧?不要要求酱多,人捡你你捡人....”
“很抱歉,我们不适合。”
“你都没有积极去找~”
“要找朋友介绍一下嘛~Network...”

最显的是以上的每一句话都会听到两遍。

更炸到的,是今天某人爆出一句:
“这种东西,是可遇不可求的。”

我的天啊!那我大概找23年也不会找到工了....

我可以接受爱情这码事是可遇不可求的,
但如果连工作也是可遇不可求的话,我可不可以回家对妈妈说:
“工作这种事情,是可遇不可求的。”
我可不可以对面试的老板说:
“有热忱的员工,是可遇不可求的。”

Good guys are all taken, I totally agree with it.
you can see it through recruitment advertisement:
"Have experienced will be priored"

2009/08/29

"Zheng" Your Tea

跟我吃過午飯、下午茶的人都知道,
我一般叫奶茶時不會只是叫奶茶,
而是特意地提醒店家“Teh Gau Xiu Dai” (茶"攪"少糖)

攪-濃
其實一般上店家也不會在奶茶上加糖。
在這里其實少糖是指示不要太甜,少加煉奶。

剛剛和House Mate爭辯 Teh See和 Teh,
我說 Teh See 是放生奶不放煉奶,一般奶茶是生奶+煉奶。
他卻認為Teh See是放生奶+煉奶,一般奶茶只放煉奶。
至于到底是如何,喜歡求證的人可以在food Court的時候問店家。

Teh See-Teh "C",
其實“C”的意義,是指 Carnation Evaporated Milk。
一般人喝Teh See,會另外再加糖。
Teh See和一般茶的分別在于加了煉奶之后的茶通常在甜之外還會多一個味道,
覆蓋了紅茶的茶味。
喝Teh See會比較能接受港式絲襪奶茶。

有興趣的人以后可以試試看:
Level 1)Teh-O (紅茶)
Level 2)Teh-O Ga Gam Bing (紅茶加冰)
Level 3)Teh
Level 4)Teh Halia(姜茶)
Level 5)Teh Bing(茶冰)
Level ?)Teh Bing Bu Yao Bing(茶冰不要冰)
Level 6)Teh Xiu Dai (茶少糖)
Level 7)Teh Xiu Dai Bing(茶少糖加冰)
Level 8)Teh Gau Xiu Dai(茶攪少糖)
Level 9)Teh Gau Mian Tien茶攪免甜(話雖如此,其實還會有甜味)
Level 10)Teh See
Level 11)Teh See Gau(Teh C 攪)
Level 12)Teh See Gau Xiu Dai(Teh C攪少糖)
Level 13)Teh See Mian Tien(點前請三思)
Level 13)Teh See Gau Mian Tien(點前請三...三思)
Level ??)Cham,(奶茶+咖啡)港稱“鴛鴦”
Level ??)Cham Bing 鴛鴦冰
Level ??)Cham "O" (研究中,Kopi "O" + Teh "O")不知道好喝沒有 :S
Level ??)瀘茶奶茶(當然是用瀘茶來泡奶茶...筆者正在喝 =,=|||)

2009/08/28

自信、厚臉皮和死撐

巾幗梟雄里,四奶奶對柴九說:
“如果今天柴九出咗什么事,我就會賣咗慶豐年、咩都無做。
下半生都只會做一件事--追究個兇手。”
“呢句話永遠有效。”

人的年紀不斷增長的時候,
失望的事情、灰心的遭遇多了起來的時候,
這個劇情分愈是令人震撼。

重慶森林里,有那么一句話:
“不知道什么時候開始,在什么東西上面都有個日期,秋刀魚會過期,肉罐頭會過期,連保鮮紙都會過期,我開始懷疑,還有什么東西是不會過期的?”

四奶奶有一句永遠有效的話。
但是當柴九被大家以為已經逝世的時候,
她并沒有立刻把兇手送上斷頭臺。
因為此人正是她正當病危丈夫的兒子。

不是很喜歡那些政治口號。
好像只是喊過一遍后,到了下一個口號的時候,
大概很多人就會忘記了上一個喊過什么。
原來只是拿來助興的。

到底有沒有一句話永遠有效?
不要永遠,那么堅持30年就好了。
30年保固期的承諾,好不好?

曾經有那么一個年代,
我還沒有出世,最令人雀躍的字是"Merdeka"

曾經有那么一個年代,
我看著電視,心里面笑著那些人不知道哪里來的自信,
做過最長的面包,最長的印度煎餅,舉辦一場又一場的拉茶大賽,
居然就可以大喊“Malaysia Boleh”。
然后開開心心地把新寫下的記錄,列入大馬健力士大全。

如果現在重新思考的話,即使是當時這些不知道哪里來的自信,
至少曾經有那么一個時候,我們曾經很努力用自己的方式,向這個世界證明些什么東西。
令人啼笑皆非嗎?
至少那個年代的人有創意,有憧憬吧。
媽媽也常說,總覺得以前人生活比較容易開心。

又有那么一段時間,
證明的方式開始有了轉移,開始有人喜歡花錢建高塔做地標。
甚至后來喜歡做太空旅行團的第一批旅客,喜歡摩天輪。
喜歡借著別人的手,讓自己出威風。

自大狂最大的要害,
往往是出了問題后被人指問的時候。
“我們真的沒有問題,治安增長率下降了。”
“橋不能建沒關系,我們可以繞道,一樣可以妥善地運用新關卡。”
“我能和任何人合作。”
“我十面埋伏。”
“都是媒體的錯。”

這兩種我都叫做厚臉皮。

死撐是什么?
-是308以后,我們高呼著“馬來西亞的民主意識覺醒了”。
我現在才知道,原來民主覺醒以后,是像找不到工作的我現在住在新家一樣,一直都沒有安定下來的感覺。一堆的補選,總是搞到滿城風雨。一堆的政治花邊新聞,每一天在報紙上打轉。

贏的人覺得自己贏少了;輸的人以為自己贏了。

有人跳槽了。他意識到了在原本的崗位上,沒有光明,于是選到政治遠景更正確的對黨去了。
還沒有說完,又有另一位仁兄抽他后腿,從他跳槽的政黨,跳到他原來的政黨去了。
各位棄暗投明、為大馬民主掀開新一頁的偉人們,你們的前路光明了,你們的方向明朗了,你們的民主蘇醒了;我的視線模糊了,不明朗了,我的民主破產了。

霹靂有人頭痛了。到底誰是大臣?
統計學家頭痛了。什么是民意?
法官大人頭痛了。要怎么判?
議員頭痛了。下一個會不會是我?
馬來西亞人頭痛了。一堆308大選后政治癥候群。

沒有時間了。
你忘記了嗎?
你還有在算嗎?
剩下10年了。
2020年8月31日。
原來喊過就算了。
反正是老馬的口號。

死撐
就是明明沒有本錢了。
卻還拼命地跳脫衣舞,想要博取世界人的注意。
越跳,就越赤裸裸地把自己的丑陋展現給世界。

還是很慶幸,至少有一批導演、演藝員和制作人。
給這一個國慶點燃了希望。

2009/08/11

失業(濕熱)人士俱樂部

做量地官做足咗三個幾月后,我終于認清楚咗一個事實:
--“我無工開”

係非常難得嘅機會之下,我通過某人聯系到咗失業人士俱樂部,
希望可以得到啲爹甘多嘅心得分享,或係一啲路數。
點知原來所謂嘅失業人士俱樂部,并唔系好似我想象中嘅一樣。
先由主席講起喇:

主席:
“ 各位親愛嘅弟兄,親愛嘅姊妹們:

首先歡迎你地黎到失業人士俱樂部。當然你地唔算係百忙中抽空黎喇,鬼甘得閑係咪?不過,我相信大家黎之前,都一定經過一番非常痛苦嘅矛盾,無可比擬嘅無奈,精神分裂式嘅心力交瘁--終于你地發現到:“我失業喇”。

好遺憾,呢個Club,無辦法幫你搵到工,因為有工開嘅窿路,或者有工俾人開嘅老細,係唔符合資格參加我地個Club。

雖然此刻幸運之神唔係響你嘅側邊,佢無照住你。你會感到沮喪、彷徨、失望、挫敗感,無力感...你地一定感到好奇,點解我會對你地此刻嘅心情如此了解透徹--因為我一年前都係同你地一樣,不過無須擔心,因為我好肯定,你地好快就會習慣呢種生活方式:因為一年后嘅我,都仲係同你地一樣,無野做。

呢個時候,最緊要就係唔好唸埋一邊,唔好消極。"I am nobody",歌仔都有得唱喇," I want nobody nobody..." 哪--你睇睇下班Wonder Girls,係咪即刻人生又充滿嗮希望叻?更何況你絕對唔會係"nobody",因為就響你不斷甘搵工、不斷甘Interview、不斷發咗顛甘Send出你嘅Resume嘅同時,你嘅名字已經出現咗係Unemployment嘅Statistic度。而每個政府,最想做嘅,就係消滅你。對唔住,我講錯野--係想幫你。

行百貨公司俾人白鴿眼?行出街驚俾人見到?唸清楚啲:你亦都出現咗係啲Recruitment Firm嘅客戶名單度。 你將會係佢地嘅忠實客戶,最重要係咩呢?一日未傾成都無收錢嘅哦。你可以傾完呢單:老細唔夠靚仔,唔要。 另外一單:無馬士尼載送,唔要。再黎一單:無土族固打,唔要。同馬華嗌交,唔要。無前朝政府可以賴,唔要。一直到你搵到你心目中個Prince Charming為止。但係收錢仲係凈收一旦嘅喔。甘唔系好抵??就係甘話咯。 所以你最重要要記得,此刻你唔係員工,你係啲Recruitment Firm嘅米飯頒主。你無老細,因為你就係你自己個老細。生意傾唔成,唔緊要,因為傾錯單,想撻訂,要賠仲多。你要享受埋呢段歲月,因為過咗之后,你就又做番員工,你燉冬菇做咗員工。

最后,大家記得睇清楚你四周圍,呢刻同你一樣一齊失業嘅弟兄姊妹們,佢地個副無精打采、雙目無光嘅神情,就係呢啲面孔,同你一齊走過你呢段最落魄嘅歲月。唔好唔舍得佢地、千祈唔好懷緬佢地。你要記得,你永遠唔想再見到佢地,見到佢地,絕對唔系緣分、更加唔係巧合。净係得两个兩個原因嘅啫:一係你無工開,二就係佢地亦都係無工開”。你睇下佢地,几甘衰样~就係呢啲失敗者,見到都行衰運。

最后,祝福大家前程似錦,下個禮拜唔好番黎喇。個Seminar都係一樣嘎,因為我唔希望有人好似我甘,仲需要黎。”

當然剩余嘅時間,我都訪問多咗幾個弟兄:

弟兄A:“我唔係朗拿度,亦都唔係朗拿顛佬,我係佢地個細佬--晾響度"

弟兄B:“難啃番書一紙領 份工始終找不到 找不到就食谷種 呢鑊認真離嗮譜。
流感洶洶擋不到 鬼佬佘數我愛揹 雙手冷額頭未冷 心底更是扯火....”

弟兄C:“只好訓覺當作不知道~行黎行去無野做~然而電話從未響~來日抬頭夢更空~ 搵工~何時終止~搵到之時~餓到快死(si)~全部已變作坨屎~”

姊妹D:“我唔恣我唔恣!我要返工!我要返工!無喇喇點會無工開啫?無理由嘎嘛~個市仲係甘行,啲野仲係甘貴,抽稅總係甘多,啲公司攢我甘多、搵甘多,點會唔請我啫?無理由嘎嘛~我唔恣!我唔恣!"

姊妹E:“I am Single and available...for hire.”

弟兄F:“我向你求職 我求你應啊承~我語氣誠懇 我求你應啊允~ Won't you hire me, my job is very pia~ me very hardwork, you can just hire me...”

2009/08/07

Caution Notes

Just before I wash my hands in the kitchen,
A short note appear in parallel with my eyes:
" Please Wash your dishes and cookery once you have done,
If you wish not to wash it at once, please put them at the left basin."

of course, also with this:
"Wash your hands often with soup and water, especially after you cough or sneeze,
wash your hands for at lease 30 secs.
If you are feeling unwell, please do not hesitate get to the hospital."

Wow, but that's not all,
Once I step out from the kitchen, on top of the switches,
" Remember to switch off the electrical instruments when they are not in use,
save our energy, save our planet, and our PUB bill

Please Ensure your hands are dry before you in contact with the switches.
If they are not, the hand towel is just beside the kitchen's basin"

I had seen this note on top of the TV remote control, on the fan, the iron table, and even on my laptop, and my house mate's PC.

Sticking on the living room's windows,
"In case of raining, or before everyone leave, please ensure the windows are closed"

Laundry room:
"Please retrieve your clothes once they are dried."

Dustbin
"Please take the waste bags out once they are full. Do not continue littering besides it."

Water Boiler
"Please boil a new jar of water once it is emptied."
of course, besides it is still the electricals caution notes.

Main Door have the lengthiest,
"For your safety, please stand behind the yellow line.
各位访客请注意,为了您的安全,请站在黄线后面。
Sila ambil perhatian. Demi keselamatan anda, harap berdiri di belakang garisan kuning.
அன்பு கூர்ந்து பயணிகள் கவனிக்கவும் உங்கலின் பாதுகாபை முன்னிட்டு அன்பு மஞல் கோட்டுக்கு பின்னால் நிலுஙள்

Dear visitors, please do not leave your belongings unattended.
If you see any suspicious articles, please inform us or call 999.
大家请注意,请看好您的随身物件
如果您發現任何可疑物件,請通知我們,或撥電999。谢谢。
Sila ambil perhatian. Jangan tinggalkan barang anda tanpa diawasi.
Jika anda mendapati sesuatu yang meragukan, sila beritahu pegawai kami atau telefon 999."

The tamil version is lack off for the 2nd paragraph, as the drafter doesn't know how to write it.

Ok, I know that a house full with notes like these is really sick...

Somehow we are discussing to implement a computer generated system at the door site.
When you press the door bell, instead of ringing, it will answer:
" Thank you for visiting our house,
If you are visiting Foong Mei, Please press "1",
If you are visiting Fu Hoo, Please press "2",
If you are visiring Han Quan, Please press "3",
If you are visiting Mei Sze, Please press "4",
If you are visiting Teng Yik, Please press "5",
If you are visiting Tze Siang, Please press "6".
If you are not sure who to visit, and require to contact our visitor services, please press "0".

"4"
"I am sorry, the person you visiting currently is not within the house, please visit again later."

"1"
"I am sorry, the person you wish to visit is currently unable to reach,
it is either she is not in the zone or she is not open to be visited. Please visit again later."

"5"
"I am sorry, the person you wish to visit is currently busy,
someone may occupying him via phone or network,
please wait awhile to press again."

"0"
"I am sorry, this option is currently unavailable, please call 999 for further assistance."

"2"
"I know this blog may sounds insane, but please not to take this article so seriously ( don't really go call 999 la...), I have received complaints about one of the last blog regarding my housework distribution method."

2009/08/03

兩個頭12塊



話說,家附近有一家理發店,剪一個頭八塊,兩個頭十二塊。
一般上我們都會理解成,帶朋友/家人一起剪就十二塊。
當然也可以跟某某陌生人在門口達成協議。

某天和潘少、子翔經過時,潘少居然說這種描述方式很奇怪,
怎么會有一個頭、兩個頭來量化理發服務的呢?
的確是言之有理,不過其實也有幾種情況這個“兩個$12”是比較能夠令人接受的:

1)雙胞胎
2)連體嬰
像第三種情況的情節,應該是免費都不成問題的...

2009/07/30

求簽

話說最近霉事連連...
尤其是破財。

然后前晚修風扇,不知道為何短路;
連安全電路也壞了,結果維修費耗了$90。

話說家附近有一所蔡厝港聯合廟
前天正是主廟誕,搬來一個月多,卻也不曾拜候。
說起來也說不過去,實在是失了禮數。
恰好家里第六人也湊齊了,于是昨天早上才匆匆到廟里合十,
正式通報姓名住處。
回到家后,來了電話,叫我去面試。

在朋友推薦下,今天也跑去了武吉士的觀音廟。
不是很懂得如何拜拜的我,于是決定只是拜正殿。
隨后突然想不如求支簽也好。

在廟祝指導下,
先通報姓名住處和所問,
然后求簽,
得簽后只要杯一次,
如果連續三次還是不得杯,則放回簽再求。

我拿著簽筒搖了搖,
搖了搖....
搖了搖....
心想:“天哪,這到天亮都沒有東西掉出來咯...”
再搖了好一陣子,才終于有一把開始離開筒...
最后,“篤!”一聲落地。
我隨即把勝杯搖了搖,居然一把就勝杯了。

八六。
拿著簽筒給回了廟祝,
得到了簽文:

春來花發映陽臺 萬里車來進寶財
欲得禹門三汲浪 恰如平地一聲雷

是一只好簽哦 =D

居然還有英文
Myraids of flowers bloom to fill the house.
From 10,000 li becomes gold for you.
a carp jumps through three Dragon gate to become a Dragon.
A sudden burst of good men issue from the earth.

INTERPRETATION: GOOD

The king bestows one with honour. a very poor person receives a priceless treasure.
Be content, this is indeed a good prediction.

廟外有許多攤子解簽的,都被我婉拒了。
以來口袋只剩下4塊。還要吃飯用。
二來簽文怎么看都很白,還要問嗎?
詳細出處,古人典故回家Google好了。

希望好運快來吧! =D
也終于漸漸領會了老媽老爸以前常說的,
求神拜佛有時也是一種精神寄托。

2009/07/25

家务悬赏制度

目的:
1)确保家里事事有人做
2)为五个负资产提供金钱管道。
3)为这个空置已久,荒芜鸟不生蛋的部落格灌水。

形式:
1)每周悬挂悬赏单于冰箱门外。
例如:
A)赏金:$50,每隔两日倒垃圾一次,并换上新的垃圾袋。
B)赏金:$20,本周抹地两次。
C)赏金:$10,购买日用品:廁纸、洗碗液、Tissue Paper。

2)悬赏金又家里每位成员联合支出。
3)有打算找外快的Housemate每周一可以“揭皇榜”,把工作拿下。
4)如果遇上同时遇上两个人抢同一份工作,则要进行Bidding,Quotation低者得。
5)为了确保工作的质量。另外设立Customer Feedback,
周末由另外几位Housemate进行评估,表现Unsatisfactory者两周内不得再接下类似工作。
6)假如工作没有人接下,就Outsource。

2009/07/21

When I was just a little boy

Do you ever wear...
Kikilala, KiKo, Rocky One...

You bring a school bag
with the brand SWAN?

you had a pencil box, made by plastic,
have multiple compartment, alot of gadgets..

your bottle is attached with the tupperwear.
or your bottle got a switch on it, once you tab it,
the machanism sprung up the straw for you.

somehow you fond of the pizza hut's watches,
which allows you to snap it onto your arms,
the streched wristband will hence roll itself.

yet still remember the white rubbers teaching you abc,
with thin green color top.
you play soccer using them, with your finger kicking it.
sometimes you draw picture on it, acting they are tanks.
fliping them over on the table, while the one on top wins.

you know, there is a product ever called ink rubber,
where ball pen used to have different favours.

you used the Swan's color pencil, Buncho's crayon and poster colors,
Panda's water color, and later on Fable Castle comes up with a water color pencil.

you played with NES, where you always blowing the catridge when it get hots,
remember Contra, Ice Climbers, Circus...

you drew every pages' corners of your text books,
with continuos actions, making your own anime.

Well, I guess so far what I had written is just that little bit of our ages.
While days were young. =)

2009/07/20

學問負資產階級

傳統上我們認知的資本主義社會階級分為
資產階級和勞工階級。
趨向現代,勞工階級和資產階級變得不那么明顯的年代
我們又有稱作中產、小資產、無資產...
藍領、粉領、白領...
中上階層、中下階層....

97金融風暴以后,坊間多了一種叫做“負資產階級”的東西。
如果不知道什么叫負資產,請自行維基百科。
(其實是因為筆者自己也不知道什么是負資產,不敢亂寫誤導群眾)

雖然筆者現在也無法確定自己是否屬于"負資產"階級
因為實在處于一個在于“無資產”,但卻又穩定地流失資金的局面。
我明明也沒有東西按押,因此絕不可能發生該物產已經低于市值的局面。

那到底是什么情況呢?
這就要從新加坡升學談起,
四年前為了要繼續升大學,我就到了新加坡,
一來學費部分由新加坡政府資助(Tuition Grant),因此相較之下,比之其它國家低。
作為代價,必須找新加坡注冊的一家公司工作三年。
許多人誤會了這一點,以為新加坡政府必定會為這些大學生們找一份工作,
在此更正一下,以人才作為最大資產的新加坡,是不可能這樣地干預勞動力的自由市場的。
換言之,畢業大學生們應該以自己的能力,把此作為自己的責任完成合約。
另外也借貸了TFL(Tuition Fee Loan),Study Loan,Laptop ownership scheme

以腦力、組織能力、分辨、分析作為吸引聘用的我們,
我想沒有人會反對我把知識比做我們無形的資產。
那么四年前我做的這一些可以想象成我正在把我自己抵押給新加坡政府,
然后借貸出一筆錢,作為投資在高等教育這份資產上的合約。

而四年后的今天,我們不巧遇上了美國次級房貸的連鎖反應,隨之而上的是甲型流感風波。
我必須在此認同,新加坡政府對于這個經濟危機的處理,快速、果斷、有效。
甚至到部分新加坡國人自己也懷疑這一連串的打擊,對新加坡經濟到底有什么沖擊。

然而在許多外國畢業于新加坡大學的學生來說,卻非常明瞭自半年前開始尋找工作以來,
開放給外國人的名額到底有多少限制。 不過這幾個月似乎漸漸有了一點轉機。

一下子招聘啟事上多了非常多即使非政府,軍方機構,要求應聘者非得新公民/永久居民的條件。
而甚至不在PR Invitation的我,就更加下一個層次了。
我突然變成了無法賣出的殘品。 如果讀過經濟學的話,就知道需求量和價格成正比的定律。于是當需求量降低,甚至趨近到零的時候,我開始假設我的大學知識已經售價接近零。

許多人于是開始抨擊我,說我應該降低身份,非常時期就不要索價太高;然而事實上是即使退而求其次,找尋一些薪水較低的工作時,迎面而來的卻是多數在招聘技術人員,尋求Nitec,Poly,Diploma等文憑資格的找工者。 這點上非常有趣,大學畢業的我絕不可能在技術上比他們還要嫻熟,那么我又怎么和他們競爭呢?而中學畢業的工,更多又在尋求已經熟練的人員。 臨時的工作,卻又偏偏Student Pass被要求終止,非常時期也沒有人愿意在這個時候幫你申請EP、甚至Work Permit。這些工作,相較高薪工作,對PR/新公民的需求,更沒有降低。

賣不出我的服務的我,暫時可以看作是一個比當初面值要低的資產,換之還要背負一筆債務。幸而之前的貸款沒有被要求立刻開始償還,否則現在我就可以把自己比作低于借貸值之余,即使醬自己賣回出去,卻仍然填補不了數額的狀況,否則我真的是負資產--學問負資產。

這篇出去,大概許多人要罵我嚇到Junior們想要立刻回去了。

正面的話還是要說,其實比起半年前完全無人問津的狀況,現在已經略為好轉,希望再多一些時候,我就可以從負資產轉回零資產。

加油吧! 特此獻給和我一樣在找工的人們。

Job Seeking

Had been job seeking for 1 month, somehow only earn interview opportunities twice.
While when talking with many friends, they comment that they have seen many vacancies for mechanical Engineer.

May be, Somehow this is what I had been seeing in jobstreet, jobsdb, brightminds...etc

Mid June 2009
Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply
=====================================================
Beginning July 2009

Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply
======================================================
1st week of July

Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply
==================================================
2nd week of July

Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
===================================================

3rd week of July

Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply!!!!
  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
=========================================

well... I guess the market is not yet ready for a mere pass degree, foreign NUS mechanical engineering graduate.

I just hope the next advertisement is not something like this:

====================================================
Singaporean/PR Mechanical Engineer

Responsibilities:

  • Perform direct on site customer support including quotation, production application, technical presentation, root cause failure analysis for customers
  • Provide customer with proper documentation for all root cause failure analysis.
  • Conduct training or product presentation to key customers as and when necessary.
  • Any other related tasks as assigned by your superior.

Requirements:

  • Only Singaporean & PR Need Apply!!!!
  • Diploma/ Degree in Mechanical engineering or Related Field.
  • Minimum 2 years related work experience.
  • Ability to work independently.
  • Working Hour: 5 Day work Week
=====================================================

hope will get a job soon... =)

2009/07/17

老鳥新鮮人

不曾記得牙牙學語的時期。

記憶開始于幼稚園,媽媽帶著我的手到了臨近住家式的“陽光幼稚園”
再從小一,到小六;
初一,到高三。

校園里的小弟慢慢長大,變成叱咤風云的大哥大姐。
再又變成大學新生營里目光呆滯,傻傻跟著學長姐的學弟妹。
學長姐又漸漸地一個個畢業。
轉眼成了大四的老人。
又再從老人,突然變成了初入社會的菜鳥。

于是,校園老鳥們,踏入了新的環境,從菜鳥開始做起。
這一趟,菜鳥沒有人在前面告訴你,下一步該做什么。

長大了。
男人就要能夠自己承擔自己錯誤的后果。

2009/07/09

與世隔絕的十天

有好一陣子沒有更新這里。
這一陣子說實在的也沒有很忙碌。

搬了家也快要兩個禮拜了。
以前在NUS也常搬家,但沒有那么累。
租約,水電易名,寬頻網路,搬家公司...
其實也沒有很復雜麻煩,
只是當這些瑣碎事情多起來,還真的會忘東忘西的。
到今天居然還沒有打鎖匙,也還沒有買家私。
(當然,一個主要原因是因為我太窮了)

上個禮拜難得的有了兩次面試的機會。
第一個其實是靠人事的,沒辦法,沒本事只好靠人事。
但結果看來話不投機。
第二個也沒了下文。
下來這個禮拜就完全沒有發市了。

這個禮拜主要的活動是出席畢業典禮和吃免費餐。

一直到昨天,家里的寬頻網路才真正鏈接上了。
雖然這些天的鍛煉后,總算沒有以前念書時那么依賴網路,
但在這個時候,沒有網路真的很不方便,
找工作,甚至面試前該做的功課,也沒有什么時間做。
只好隨便就上場了。

好空啊。
快點找工。

2009/06/25

Free Food Hunting

Tight Budget.
I guess to save up some of my living cost,
I am going to attend *every session of the coming commencement of NUS.

Things to bear in mind:
1) The aim is food fighting.
2) Do not wear too formal, as will get some attentions; Do not over under-dressed either, it catches even more attentions.
3) Timing is very important. Don't attend to the event too early, as they just keep saying things on the stage, and you see people walk on the stage, taking the roundy thingy and walk down again, wearing some funny blue blouses.
4) Again timing is very important, look at the TV outside, and around everyone is coming out, the balloons fall down, it is the time. Quickly rush to the buffet tables, start queing, you will see the servants starting to unveil the food, on the fire. Once they done, you can start grab your paper plates and plastic fork...
5) Do go say "Congraduation" to the graduates, don't make it too obvious you are there just merely for food, although you are.
6) If you don't have anyone familiar in the session, you should bring a camera,
then act like you are photo taking around the event. At least you are not a nobody.
7) Don't stay too lengthy either, as the graduates have too much people to serve, parents, friends, coursemates, boyfriends who is holding the ugly graduation lions, some forever friends graduation bears,or some fluffy flower dolls. They then go photo-taking, graduation throw, and even go out to the "I WAS HERE" landmark. Trust me, no one will notice your leaving, even they do, they are too busy to hold you.
8) If you are fast and hungry enough, you can go for a second round.
The more you eat, the more you save, the more you help the environment with food wastage.
9) Staying in Kuok Foundation House and Raffles Hall is the best location, then you can wake up-goto commencement-go back and nap-goto commencement-go back and play facebook-goto commencement-sleep.
10) The free food hunting is starting on 6-July-2009 to 14-July-2009, there will be 21 sessions overall, subject to a saving around SGD60
11) In recent pheonomenon, you may like to wear a N95 mask to come over. It is nice to have at least a photo with everyone wearing a N95 mask, who knows you will get into the cover story of The Straits Times?
12) This kixiao who writing this blog graduate on the day of 11-July-2009, 10am, welcome you to conduct this practice on the session, please come punctually around 11.30pm instead. What is good is that it is a Saturday.
13) You should know that it helds at the University Cultural Center(UCC) hall
14) If you want to wear formal for this kixiao's commencement, tower block 8th floor got iron table, Eusoff, Termasek laundry also have it.
15) Spare a plate for me, please. For gratitute I providing you this experience-talk.
16) Do bring a wide angle camera, I duno who designed that "I WAS HERE", you will never able to take the whole scene with the people's face clearly displayed.

2009/06/24

给失意的自己

难免总有失意时。
会怨天尤人、眼前望去孤立无援。

若怪自己倒霉,却太不负责任;
若说咎由自取,却忿忿不平。

泄气、愤怒、怪别人不体谅。
解决不了事情。徒然显得自己小家子气、胆小如鼠。
平心静气下来,至少攒得个轻松傲然。
怡然自得,谈笑间,樯橹灰飞烟灭,
靠的是经验、知识、努力、独具慧眼寻找机会突破的眼光,
总有那衰到贴地却还剩余嘅点点运气:
还是会有可以向着对方微笑的人。

运滞你,人睇衰你,但係自己唔可以唔争气。

就算天地不容,也要挺胸抬头。

2009/06/22

寻房日记之SMS Record

"Hi Cazen,
I have this unit,
blk 512, 5A, 4 room,
Nice house, good location
2.2k nego"

"Good Locations?
Have Starbucks ard?"

"I try check for you..."

"No."

"oh...nvm thn, can help me
to seek for a Starbuck nearby?"

"Ok... I try..."

"Cazen, do u guys wish 2 consider
a EM, Blk 656, walk to MRT, high rise,
of coz, STARBUCKS...2.3k nett
viewing can arrange at 7.00pm to 7.30pm"

"Sure. OK"

"Hi, Blk 656 just taken, later inform
you again of other relevant blks."

"Oh mine..."

"Near to Starbucks is a heat, have to be fast,
you see."

"Ok, thanks again. I can wait."

"Hi Cazen, 2 units here, 3+1 b650c Furn, High fl,bus int.
2.2k nego; 3+1 blk 412 corner w recess, high, #7,
asking 2.3k, either 1 yr or 2 yr lease"

"What abt Starbucks?"

"blk 412"

"ok, I will view it, this evening?"

"Ok, I arrange for you."

"Just this noon blk 412 were bid for 2.4k,
once viewed by a family, another a batch of students,
it is still open for viewing, may be you have to raise higher"

"Oh mine...fine... 2.5!!!!"

"Sry, just before I do, the family bid at 2.5k"

"oh no..."

"But actually you don't even viewed it,
I try another unit for you later perhaps?"

"Who cares, as long as got Starbucks?"

"K. will keep you posted."

"But actually how about unclecafe
instead of Starbucks?"

"No...unclecafe he only drinks milk tea,
N-O-T sel-ling-cof-fee...|||"

2009/06/20

尋房日記

好屋子跟好女人一樣
你沒本事但有人有本事
你不快手一點 就被人把掉了

2009/06/15

宅男的Pet Society日志


我們誰也別說話
讓我靜靜地呆在這里就好

好嗎?

宅男的電話日記

宅男和世界聯系的途徑,除了兩只腳,電腦,就剩下電話。



















郁悶....到底及時才會有像這樣的電話:








p/s: WCEO is Washroom Cleanliness Ensurement Officer

2009/06/10

客串金魚佬

由于多人投訴粵語書寫太難讀,下來會努力用回華語書寫。
但難免仍會不時爆出一些粵語語法(誠因本人走火入魔),敬請見諒。

========================================================

時勢迫人。
眼望著ATM機上不斷下降的數字。
你就會明白壓力是怎么回事。
就連我這樣吊兒郎當,不務正業的軟骨頭
最后還是經不起現實社會對道德的洗禮。(就因為是軟骨頭...)
象牙塔里學的道德,算什么?
從金魚缸里面出來,奄奄一息時,你就明白什么叫做向現實低頭。
未成名前,誰管你做過什么?
成了名后,那怕你曾經放過一篤奇臭無比的屁,
再把那篤屁氣封在一個發霉的瓶子里腌,
到時拿出來,只怕會有美女說那里有酒的香味!
(隨之下來的是美女暈死過去,紅顏薄命,不勝感概)

我決心不擇手段,只要發財,
管他的 行街睇戲食飯撩女仔 十惡不赦的罪惡,我都干!
(這是哪門子的十惡不赦?)

找有錢太太當小白臉。--沒創意。
在街頭假扮成乞丐。--會被美女看到,不屌。
跳鋼管舞給Aunty們看。-- 巴士上啊?

反復思量,要給美女們一個良好印象,又要無本生利。
我想到了一個完美的計劃:
Animal Fund Raising
這么一來,我就變成了為保護動物而付出努力的義務份子~
有形象,有道德,而且動物最容易引起美女的同情心!
(老兄,你的目標到底是騙錢還是騙美女啊?=.=)

為了一個謊言,我們往往要制造更多的謊言。
-我第一步先用A4制造了一個團體義工的證明,然后在簽名處畫了一只烏龜。
-買了一個Folder。
-在網上下載了無數個動物被殘害的照片,把它們分類成數頁。
-買了一個Name Tag,
-用六塊錢洗了Passport Size的照片。
-繪制一個像模像樣的Logo。
由于豬流感最近突然崛起,我決定用豬來做Logo。

買了一套西裝,這樣看起來比較專業,另外出現在美女的面前的時候也比較帥。
每進行一步, 我就像是向我頻臨泯滅了良知劃多了毀滅性的一刀。
一步一地獄。
最后萬劫不復。
但我已經豁出去了,為了要交的房租,
為了只要夠錢在PC Show買1TB的External Harddisk。
良知何價?
我還要到PC Show看Show Girl。

整裝待發。我出門去了。
拿著一堆可愛的動物鎖匙圈。
拿著Folder,第一面有我的照片。
然后搭著巴士到MRT站,在出口處開始我的全盤計劃。

第一個來的是一個Aunty。
"I am from XXX society, .... you see the animal is treated very cruely, we are having a protest, at the same time raising fund to have this project on-going... you see, I am not pushing you to donate, but is to raise awareness......."
Aunty 呆了半響,把老花眼鏡拉了下來斜上看著我:“籌款系無?”
我顯得一臉尷尬:"系...系啊 Aunty,十蚊,跟住我會俾你呢個公仔鎖匙圈喇...”
Aunty一臉不耐煩:“十蚊啊?你講得易,家下啲人都唔知點解,舊時我地就有幾多捐幾多,而家連捐個錢都有Bottom line...十蚊甘易俾得出黎咩,你地啲后生真係唔知搵食艱難...我捐完你十元,落到街口又遇到個要捐殘廢人士嘅,都唔知點算好...最近聽講大馬仲有人魚目混珠,呃人話系籌款...”
聽著Aunty那羅嗦到爆的肺腑之言,我只能干瞪眼,死命點頭,心想著:“妳要講到幾時啊?”
Aunty又想了一下:“五蚊唔得啊?”
“唔好意思啊,Aunty,真系唔得吖,我地每人都Register甘多只公仔,除非啲公仔出,唔系唔收得錢,你知喇,家下扮籌款啲老千多,有啲又打釜頭...”
“甘麻煩嘎...唔捐咯...”

霎那間,我真的很想掐死發明這種籌款方法的人。


美眉!美眉!
我的瞳孔在我意識到之前放大了好幾倍,
腳在大腦控制以外地樂奔到美女的面前:
"I am from XXX society, .... you see the animal is treated very cruely, we are having a protest, at the same time raising fund to have this project on-going... you see, I am not pushing you to donate, but is to raise awareness......."
" You are raising fund? have you acknowledge and seek approval from NCSS? What is your period of collection? Event types? can I have a check on your pass?"

NCSS!!!? 蝦米來滴?
驚愕,失措。
我立刻意識到眼前這位不是美女,而是死神。
拔腿就跑。
“Hey! don't run! I am calling Police!”
屁啦!不跑的那個就有問題。
被追了九條街,
我真的懷疑那位美眉大概是以前NUS的田徑校隊,穿著套裙居然可以追那么遠。
不過我總算擺脫了。

這時候我眼前卻多了一個孤獨的小女孩。
在那里一臉無助的樣子,一定是和媽媽失散了。
我知道我必須幫助她,回到媽媽那里
“Hi, what is your name? where you stay? where is your mom?"
她沒有說話。
“you ok?"
"Mummy says don't talk to stranger."
一下子我真的不知道怎么辦。
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你看金魚好不好?”
還是沒有回答。

我意識到這個時代,看金魚似乎過時了。
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你看DVD好不好?”
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你看NDS好不好?”
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你看Angels and Demons好不好?”
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你睇樓(看房子)好不好?”
"妹妹乖,Uncle帶你看I-phone 3G-S 好不好?”

終于,她的眼神這個時候有了反應。
"Mommy!"
"Oh honey~you make mummy worry sick! where have you been? who is this?"
“Uncle say bring me to watch Angels and Demons..."
說時遲那時快,身邊不知道幾時多了兩位警察叔叔。
“Sorry mister, we need abit of your co-operation...please come along with us.”
不是!不是啊!我真的不是金魚佬!我只是客串的!
啊~~~~~


Angels and Demons : A new Strategy of Kidnappers?
Published: 9 Jun 2009 1801 hrs

A 23-year-old freshgraduate had just been arrested this afternoon, while he trying to kidnap a 4-year-old girl, inviting her to watch "Angels and Demons". "It was just so lucky we reached just on time, any minute late who knows how it would ended up?" The police officer who is in charge said.

The economic crisis had caused an increase on unemployment, however it had been better compare to while it was just started. However this incident was unexpected from a trustworthy freshgraduated engineer. "The market is restoring, however we still should treat it more carefully" a well-known economist commented on this case.

This once remind us the quote that "Low Crime,not Equals to No Crime". Parents have to be more aware of children safety.

==========本故事純屬虛構,如有雷同,實屬社會之不幸==========

2009/06/08

畢業=失業癥候群

每逢有人畢業,我們都祝彼此“前程似錦”
用在今年似乎不太管用。大家都好像潛意識里唸著 畢業=失業
最近見到人,大家嘅問候語都是:“你搵到工未啊?”
換著舊年,大家嘅問候語就系:“你租個單位幾錢一個月哇?”
向前搬返去前年吖,偏偏系:“你搵幾錢一個月啊?”
似乎每年情況雖然一樣,但系到底會有啲唔同。

當然好在A(H1N1)前排就證實致命率唔高,
唔系嘅話恐怕近排嘅問候語就系:
“你今日測咗體溫未啊?”
“你個N95都幾Stylo wor~邊署買嘎?”
“你從外國返黎?甘大整蠱?你隔離咗自己未啊?咪亂甘出街喔...”
你洗咗手未啊?咪玷我啊,dub你嘎...”

終于明白點解人需要工作。
明顯啲嘅,實際啲嘅:食宿,家用,消費...
但更攞命嘅系你會僅有甘體會到24小時系有幾長。
光陰似箭一下唔apply咗,變開房間踎一日長過人間十年...正所謂度日如年啊。
你終于明白啲情侶一日不見如隔三秋係咩感覺啊...
長到你日日孵住MSN,孵住Facebook,睇下邊個可以陪你傾計。
但系偏偏就個個都鬼甘忙。
你就會意識到并對自己講:你呢個社會嘅人渣敗類,寄生蟲,拆白黨 (喂,拆白黨就離譜咗啲咯)
無建樹,蹉跎歲月,浪費光陰...
你厚顏唔厚顏吖你....
唔該你自我提升下,搵份Part time,再唔系就培養啲興趣,讀啲書...
甘樣先系一個有抱負,有作為,有思想嘅年輕人...

我曾經話過長期唔發拗抖,人系會發茂,發臭,發神經,發霉,發牢騷,發姣,發ti tang,發long lai...
點不知原來家下有甘多時間發拗抖。
但系偏偏就有另外一種癥狀:
沖動,絕望,自卑,消極,無聊,煩躁,失眠,心跳加速,無精神寄托,精神分裂,以為電話響

沖動: 涌上去Jobstreet,見到有job無論系么都按apply。
絕望:無嘅啦~無嘅啦,我嘅人生就系一個失敗。
自卑:屎我系一坨屎~命比蟻仲賤~
消極:搵么搵~邊度有人要我啊。
無聊:“有個老細跌下黎 跌下黎 跌下黎 , 快點有個老細跌下黎 出糧俾我~”
煩躁:妖~唔搵啦,搵鬼搵馬咩....
失眠:我無睡眠啊~我失睡眠~傷心痛心眼淚流~
心跳加速:bum、bumbum、bumbumbum、bumbumbumbumbumbumbumumumum...由于太快,已經變成穩流....
無精神寄托:我從邊度黎,要到邊度去?
精神分裂:老細,你請我喇~好,一個月幾廿蚊,無假期無福利無加薪無糧出即日返工,做唔做?~多謝老細~多謝老細~
以為電話響:呢個唔駛解釋喇係嘛?

我求其甘列出以上癥狀喇,但其實并不止甘多,癥狀仲會因人有些少唔同,
A(H1N1)都未必曉發燒喇...
所以各位看官們就咪以為少咗以上邊項自己就安全。
系講住甘多先喇,我仲要去開會...準備埋公司下個月幾十萬嘅Project Proposal...

2009/06/05

網路癥候群

緊急新聞播報:世衛于今日下午8時30分發現一種有效經過網路并又人傳人傳播嘅新病毒,名為郁悶1號。新病毒能夠透過多種網路途徑傳播,包括MSN,Facebook,以及blogspot。目前未有任何死亡數據,但不排除病毒將快速突變嘅可能性,但警告國際警戒隨時宣布為7級以便切斷一切網路,電視,電話,電臺等連接,于此同時希望大家盡量避免使用以上媒介,并勤于維持個人衛生。

以下是郁悶一號的得病跡象:
1) 突然感到郁悶
2)會上FB到處看看別人的Newsfeed
3)會看MSN list上每個人的Status Msg
4)會被某無聊信息炸到一下...

Single Room, Double Room and Master Bed Room

[05.21am] 靚仔無本心 said: wahsei, you wake up super early wor~or sleep super *early? */hehe
[05.22am] hoo_am_i said: sleep super *early, typical NUS hostel student.
[05.23am] 靚仔無本心 said: LoL
[05.23am] 靚仔無本心 said: why not sleep yet? finding your 有錢太太? */bleh
[05.24am] hoo_am_i said: =.= wth, looking at rental price.
[05.25am] 靚仔無本心 said: o.O finally ganyuan find house d.
[05.26am] hoo_am_i said: see how lo. jialat.
[05.27am] 靚仔無本心 said: WHY--SO--JIA-LAT~
[05.28am] hoo_am_i said: rental distribution
[05.29am] 靚仔無本心 said: huh? easy mah, just divide by 6 la.
[05.30am] hoo_am_i said: not really, there is something call Master Bed Room.
[05.30am] 靚仔無本心 said: somehow it makes me think of "masturbate room"
[05.31am] 靚仔無本心 said: why make life so difficult, man? steady la.
[05.35am] hoo_am_i said: =.= dirty minds...Well, take it as a PGP type A room without aircon,PGP type C room, and a OKR double room. When you look at this like that, then it is not simple. Some may think that "why I am paying a same rental as the one who staying type A? 不平衡。
[05.36am] 靚仔無本心 said: OK, never tot of tht.
[05.37am] hoo_am_i said: yeah, thanks to an invention called attached bath room.
[05.38am] 靚仔無本心 said: then easy la, the one take the master bed room just pay more lo.
[05.39am] hoo_am_i said: yup. this is a critical point, by how many?
[05.40am] 靚仔無本心 said: place bigger, attached bath room also, take as $2000, thn 500,500,1000 lo.
[05.44am] hoo_am_i said: ya. think it is how it goes in the market. master bed room is precious, especially to couples, they need privacy among them, then the wife after bathing can just naked and have her leg first come out, hanging at the door there, and yell: "Yoohooo~DARLING~ I am com~ing" ~ then only wear her sexy lingeries, then after they done can just go the toilet to wash up.
[05.45am] 靚仔無本心 said: you sounds like you very experiece~ */hehe
[05.46am] hoo_am_i said: =.= darn it. but when it come to us fresh grad, this become 燙手山芋, 人人都巴不得把它即手丟得越遠越好。
[05.47am] 靚仔無本心 said: why ler?
[05.48am] hoo_am_i said: to save cost, you are expected to pay more as you enjoying the "bigger space" and "attached bath room" what.
[05.49am] 靚仔無本心 said: don't get it....
[05.54am] hoo_am_i said: well, somehow most will find the extra space is not really needed. and do you think a guy like me really enjoying getting naked and go out the bathroom shouting "yo~man, look at my body~ shaking shaking~" then wear some kind of sexy pyjamas? and thanks to culture, the master bedroom always exist. So someone suck thumb have to take it. you get what I meant?
[05.56am] hoo_am_i said: and according to your ratio, imagine I stay with another guy in the master bed room, and another guy there stay a single room, what makes you think I am willing to take the master bed room and need to share with another while I can pay the same amount to have my own space? and how much bigger is a master bed room?
[05.57am] 靚仔無本心 said: woops...but this have to look at the room first wor.
[05.58am] 靚仔無本心 said: then higher lo, 600,600,800
[06.00am] hoo_am_i said: sounds like it. but then how about when a room is single, a master double bed room, and a double room?
[06.01am] 靚仔無本心 said: 300,300,400,400,600 lo.
[06.02am] hoo_am_i said: wrong.
[06.03am] 靚仔無本心 said: har...why?
[06.07am] hoo_am_i said: take it as hall, single room is $75, double room is $50. instead of a double from double room. Some more as just now I mentioned, couples are able to take the master bed room at $1000, and a single room is able to make it at $500, what makes you think someone willing to pay that extra 100 bucks?
[06.08am] 靚仔無本心 said: faint, then all stay with couples LoL
[06.09am] hoo_am_i said: cool, you mentioned it, is the joy to live with friends, somemore you freely access to the pantry, etc.
[06.10am] 靚仔無本心 said: So, settled?
[06.11am] hoo_am_i said: I duno, see how lo. normally people tend to put the master bed room for girls, then share the cost, as it makes everyone more convenient too.
[06.12am] 靚仔無本心 said: har, why again?
[06.13am] hoo_am_i said: well, may be we had been using common bathroom too long, everyone used to change clothes in bathroom, but don't you think girls need shorter distance to bathroom still? and is also more ok that they use more space? So, it will harder to question it at least. and no more weightage to this attached-bathroom invention.
[06.14am] 靚仔無本心 said: complicated....
[06.15am] hoo_am_i said: yeah, and this haven't account to those how is the housing location to working place, room condition, how is the view of the window, how is the size compare this room to that room, furniture, and so and so whatever you can think of in the world.
[06.16am] 靚仔無本心 said: got so jialat mah~
[06.17am] hoo_am_i said: when you don't care, NO; when you care, YES.
[06.17am] hoo_am_i said: In fact real estate is really a complicated issue.
[06.17am] hoo_am_i said: Just make sure that these won't be one of the points go into arguement when quarreling with housamates, then 恭喜发财、六国大封相, 两个字:盏搞。
[06.18am] 靚仔無本心 said: T.T
[06.18am] 靚仔無本心 said: wah! xiao liao la! 6am d! shit, talk to you too long, I go sleep now.
[06.19am] hoo_am_i said: cheh, you also sleep so *early sia...
[06.19am] 靚仔無本心 said: typical NUS hostel student. LoL
[06.19am] hoo_am_i said: Nocturnal Animal...

This is a Period of Uncertainties

This is a Period of Uncertainties.

駐扎在新加坡。主要有兩件事:
找工和找房子。

工作是預料中的難找,當然已經比兩三個月前好得太多。
至少我們這群留學生中終于有人Interview,
當然還剩下我這種連三流都不是的文憑。
打開JobsDB, Jobstreet, Bright Minds,
各種網上途徑的工作介紹所,
Fresh Entry, Exclude掉那些Only Singaporean/PRs needs apply
我還要比人多Exclude一個Good Degree.
已經不耐煩的時候,會不惜一切地無視這些條款,
甚至連Diploma的飯碗也想搶,心想著連一個Diploma都比我吃香。

當然許多人會說,其實出來工作以后,大學文憑恐怕不是主要因素了;
但我認為那些都是上了岸之后說的話,工作了幾年后,有了Portfolio,有了強硬的Resume
自然更有力地去強調自己的能力;
更何況是心理打算要繼續維持以Mechanical Engineer為身份的Pass Degree?
潑一桶冷水的話:“算了吧,你根本就入錯行了”
在剛出來,又遇上經濟風暴的這個當兒,機會比別人少,是完全感覺得到的。
這是拿同樣身為留學生的一群來比較。

甚至發現自己并沒有在Minister的PR invitation之中。
我不發一言。

不想氣餒。因為這個時期更加不能容許自己打擊自己。

有時候會想,為什么一些別人走著的途徑,自己卻想也沒有想過:
繼續升學? Master in Science? 算了吧,那有Pass Degree的獎學金,也看不到想要繼續研究的課題。
但在找工的當兒,卻發現,如果不要局限于Syllabus,其實自己還是有繼續研究一些課程里不完整的知識的趨向。
總覺得學校的課程太散,至少現在對Finite Element Method,Meshing, ratio, jacobian check,甚至還是認為一部分的Analysis的loading condition根本不符合現實。 還是不會做Large Deformation。不夠。不夠,我準備好了嗎?也許這個就是Pass Degree的程度。 不是很喜歡說不應該這樣來區分,有種因為自己不入流,才去批評這個制度根本是不近人情的感覺。 也更因為自己在中學的時候也曾是那種在高處俯瞰著別人的角度。隨著大學課程,漸漸有種眼高手低的感覺:這題其實很容易。這張考卷沒什么特別。當別人都在罵著考卷出得特別難的時候,我就念著:“有嗎?” 但其實這些在埋怨考卷太難,斤斤計較自己錯了那里的人,其實都比我還要高分。也想過大概自己真的選錯了科系,但是卻還是很喜歡。那也許是一個憧憬:想要自己有能力制造出一輛車的感覺,感激著以這樣的水平得到了創造夢想的機會,而我也恰恰,完成了目的,然后以最低的姿態畢業。沒有多余的事情。

下一個夢想是什么呢?

懷疑著自己已經走到了能追隨夢想的盡頭。已經夠了吧?想要更多的時間去思考,覺得能夠到處去的工作很好,覺得有hands-on的更好,要learning opportunities,Mechanical Design,希望是一個1-2年的long term project。能勝任嗎?猶豫了。有這樣什么都有的工作嗎?似乎有點稀少。曾幾何時老人家們都說,大學生們太撿窄了。我似乎還更要多上一份任性 -- 都什么時世了。

人到了畢業的時候,就會突然發現原來家里很窮。 一下子發現之前說的什么,經濟上沒有問題,專心念書;回望一下其實不是那樣的,一下子連出席畢業典禮時的交通費上的差異也要被討論。這份薪水是迫切的,被需要著。老人家也似乎在探討著我回國發展的可能,畢竟家里只有兩個兒女。回望上一代不善處理的結果,最后變成一種殘局。再對比現在每個人的議程上的沖突 -- 那一切不是沒有理由的。這些都不是以前不知道,只是當時是懷著:念完,畢業,就可以解決這一切,現在先別想。姐姐交代了許多事情,也把這些問題融入了打算之中,不放心地問:“會和你的打算沖突嗎?”, 我說:“現在談這個太早了,先找到工再看能不能行吧。” 況且,在已存在的限制之中,用僅以有限的條件和資源建立自己想要的,是工程師的必要認知。

================================

還要找房子。大家一樣的存在著工作的問題的時候,房子被圍了個團團轉:現在找房子,以后工作地點偏遠,怎么辦? 有些人忐忑著,是否還會留在新加坡,有些考慮著升學。一切不確定之下,又還是想到能和朋友們一起生活的日子。大家似乎不斷地玩著大風吹游戲。今天誰決定搬出去,明天誰不住了,談不妥只好散了。然后又找過:

Easy Come Easy Go;今日夾份;聽日Say No

沒有人是壞人。只是大家彼此一樣的,被一堆財務,地點,時間,性格牽扯著,那些從前可以大聲說沒關系的事情,必須面對現實了--到了無法支撐的時候,問題是關鍵的。不想把關系搞糟,也許揮揮手道別,以后可能還可以見面談天喝啤酒。大家都明白,會寧愿先把臭臉放在前頭。而像我這樣不識時務的,就會連這一點也要說破。

怎么都說得那么消極的。還滿心期待著從那個監獄里逃出來的一片春天的。希望在明天啊! =)

積極。
升官,發財,討老婆。

2009/06/04

宅男的MSN message history

[9.30pm] 靚仔無本心 said: Ahoi~
[9.45pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 你死鬼咗啊?
靚仔無本心 just sent you a nudge.
[10.02pm] hoo_am_i said: Sry sry...FB-ing
[10.03pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 整天Facebook ,你不悶的meh...我的Newsfeed都要被你的quiz results炸爆了咯
[10.05pm] hoo_am_i said: =.= bejeweled blitz-ing, nearly 10k, thx to your nudge...
[10.06pm] 靚仔無本心 said: Ok lo...FB FB FB...no need find job lo...
[10.07pm] hoo_am_i said: you yourself also keep pet society... @@
[10.08pm] 靚仔無本心 said: let you zadao */fell got interview liao mah?
[10.08pm] hoo_am_i said: no......... */cry
[10.08pm] hoo_am_i said: nvm, zuiduo I go 10th floor wash toilet...
[10.09pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 你看你啦,一點大志都沒有..只會FB
[10.11pm] hoo_am_i said: 你夠每天都Send Resume,你有 Interview meh...*/meh
[10.12pm] 靚仔無本心 said: =.=||| 至少我有大志。
[10.13pm] hoo_am_i said: 什么大志?
[10.14pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 上聯-行街食飯睇戲撩女仔 下聯-升官發財娶妻包二奶 橫批-我的志愿
[10.15pm] hoo_am_i said: 無言...*/nga
[10.16pm] 靚仔無本心 said: Then what you doing?
[10.17pm] hoo_am_i said: FB, blogging,MSN,find house,find job lo...what else you expect? T.T
[10.18pm] 靚仔無本心 said: No ppl call you up meh?
[10.18pm] hoo_am_i said: got...Financial Planning Advisor, my mom...
[10.19pm] 靚仔無本心 said: bish...who refer you? ha
[10.20pm] hoo_am_i said: Spy lo, he msg me while I still in msia.
[10.20pm] 靚仔無本心 said: LoL
[10.21pm] 靚仔無本心 said: no doing your FYP2 liao meh?
[10.22pm] hoo_am_i said: what FYP2? FYP results out liao mah
[10.22pm] 靚仔無本心 said: Find Your Partner. */bleh
[10.30pm] hoo_am_i said: nope, no money, no time, no cap, no target...
[10.31pm] hoo_am_i said: */haiz ...沒工作,沒女朋友,my 4 year university life is a failure...找個有錢太太當小白臉算了...
[10.31pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 有錢太太... high level */sweat
[10.33pm] 靚仔無本心 said: cannot like that one, you must open up your heart, job aso like that, girl also like that... this kind of things arr, must practice one you know?
[10.33pm] hoo_am_i said: =.+|||
[10.34pm] 靚仔無本心 said: yalal, even you don't like the job, can practice interview sia, else you can't perform well one, later nervous. Girls even more, must be brave one, go approach yourself, you think so easy to maintain a relationship?
[10.35pm] hoo_am_i said: no link, =.=
[10.36pm] 靚仔無本心 said: juz try, trust me. ask her out.
[10.37pm] hoo_am_i said: 都講沒有交集咯...
[10.38pm] 靚仔無本心 said: 還test不到你,剛才講沒有wor...
[10.39pm] hoo_am_i said: OKOKOKOK...fine, tell you what I will do, I set a event, thn ask her to R.S.V.P, fine?
[10.40pm] 靚仔無本心 said: Walau, zadao, how come I never tought of this way sia...pandai betul...
[10.41pm] hoo_am_i said: */shine
[11.30pm] hoo_am_i said: !!!! she responsed =.=
[11.31pm] 靚仔無本心 said: how is it? attending? not attending?
[11.31pm] hoo_am_i said: may be attending */cry
[11.32pm] 靚仔無本心 said: LROTF!

2009/05/31

Re: Cover Letter (自high版)

From: 老細
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 3:59 PM
To: 陳某
CC:
Subject: Re:Cover Letter (自high版)

Dear 陳某,

細路,唔好話阿叔唔教精你...查實原本似你呢封甘樣嘅geh嘢,我係唔會復你嘅。甚至根據我公司程序你呢封甘樣嘅所謂求職信係應該拿去碎紙機度人道毀滅,然后送去垃圾場,甚至焚化爐度,然后搵返幾個南摩佬同佢超渡; 而唔係出現系我嘅Mail Box度浪費我珍貴嘅幾百個kilobytes...而就因為啱得甘蹺,你呢封甘嘅geh嘢出現係我個Mail Box度,導致我公司人事部少咗一位靚仔,后生,有前途,能干嘅人事部經理;同另一位除咗靚,有學歷,有辦事能力,仲有前部又有后部嘅女同事。我都唔知佢地係無睇清楚你寫麼定係俾你落開降頭撞咗邪。順帶一提,你呢兩日最好因住黎,我係佢地我就會刮你出黎然后搞掂你。

首先,我唔知道你所謂公司最話得事個個係咪我,定係你仲要我呈上拿去董事會,亦係話你指嘅係我屋企嘅太上皇,定係家下就坐系我Office張Sofa度監視緊我做嘢嘅老虎乸。 但係無所謂,因為如果我甘做,甘樣下落黎中炒個個就會係我。而我無么可能俾呢個位你做,因為呢個位係我坐緊嘅,甘你坐咗我坐邊度?不如甘喇,我都想另謀高就,掉返轉你出糧俾我ler?然之后你咪唸住坐得呢個位可以凈係行行企企,唔該你做下功課,Google下,睇下CEO係應該做滴么嘢...之前行行企企個只,已經響經濟蕭條前俾我外父佬炒鬼咗。

第二,呢個時世,千祈唔好唸住擦擦鞋就將缺點講成優點 -- 唔靚仔唔係優點,你對现時辦公室女性對男性嘅睇法完全Out嗮: 家下唔好以為辦公室有一個靚仔,啲妞就會似九大行星圍住太陽甘圈住佢chek chat甘轉;時代唔同啦,女性抬頭嘎啦,獨立嘎啦...佢地上個禮拜至黎同我投訴,公司靚仔唔多,宅男太多,攪到佢地啲士氣down嗮,Production low嗮。我再唔黏到成間公司都係阿木村啊,阿Raymond Lam啊,胡歌仔啲Poster嘅話,佢地就會好快頭暈身heng,傷風感冒,慢下手我仲以為我公司被流感感染,要成間quarantine一個禮拜。-- 事實證明而家辦公室得老細一個係靚仔,係唔夠嘎,女員工福利唔夠好吖,世侄。

第三,我希望你明白呢個時世唔只興搵工同炒人,仲興“唔請人”,所以我人事部家下多出兩個空缺,但系只要可以運作,我都唔打算請人住,慳返。所以家下我公司一個人當十個人用,甚至有人黎投訴話佢覺得佢個血壓有1.5個bar,我都凈係出份2000蚊雞個人工俾佢。你獅子開大口話要兩三萬過數,我驚我有本事請你,你做得黎等唔到月尾出糧就已經爆血管係甘矣喇。再講吖,而家似你甘樣嘅一碌葛,一個招牌韃落里都唔知會砸死幾廿個喇。

唔好話阿叔唔關照你,我係塞嗮錢落你個袋甘滯,你謀得CEO,我睇你都係稀罕有個自己Office啫,行行企企閑來仲要可以撩下女仔,我呢度都有一份: 十樓個堅叔老人家話年紀大喇,調咗去一樓, 你可以替佢負責十樓個男廁,甘對面就系女廁嘅,加上隔黎總有清潔工人房,你每日早晨7點鐘就求其清下,傍晚7點洗下,除此之外平時就棟響個度遞下紙巾,開下門,間無中通下個屎坑,擦擦鞋等啲同事開心啲積極啲得喀啦,爆屎渠呢滴ler就梗係急call專人喇;福利方面每個月頂多俾你600蚊,無超時無津貼無假期;我公司都有公司小巴,響MRT站都有接送,都算係專車接送喇;我私人醒個12寸黑白手提電視過你,至少響廁所度唔會悶襯,廁所都收到下Wifi,電視唔夠你就帶部Laptop自己PPstream,MSN,Facebook之類,最多我俾你印埋卡片,話知你Declare你自己係麼嘢-WCEO (Washroom Cleanliness Ensurement Officer)。到你做返四廿年甘上下有本事頂四樓福伯個位咯,到時咪有邊個Aunty Amy,定係Aunty Jenny幫你襯下佢咯。

你自己唸唸佢喇。啱嘅話就可以即刻過黎,搵四樓個福伯報到,拿你自己抽鎖匙同埋啲清潔工具,員工證就返得工架叻;唔好黎搵我喇,廁所見啦...

Regards,
你老頂
(咪當我懵炳至得嘎...)


-----------------本部落格純屬虛構,如有雷同,實屬不幸----------------------
p/s: 根据可靠消息来源,某國際大公司是某富豪集团...

Re:Fwd:Re:Re:Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)

From: 老細
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 3:30 PM
To: Simon ,Mary
CC:
Subject: Re:Fwd:Re:Re:Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)

得喇,你兩個聽日起唔駛黎返工喇。

Regards,
你老頂
(咪當我懵炳至得嘎...)

===================================================

From: Simon
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 3:10 PM
To: 老細
CC: Mary
Subject: Fwd:Re:Re:Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)
Attachment: coverletterselfhigh.docx

老細,
Urgent, before 4pm

Regards,
Simon

===================================================
From: Mary
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 3:05 PM
To: Simon
CC:
Subject: Re:Re:Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)
Attachment: coverletterselfhigh.docx

但係佢話要send俾老細睇喔...

Regards,
Mary

===================================================
From: Simon
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 3:00 PM
To: Mary
CC:
Subject: Re:Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)
Attachment: coverletterselfhigh.docx

唔騷啊...無部門請人。

Regards,
Simon

===================================================
From: Mary
Sent: Fri, May 29, 2009 at 2:37 PM
To: Simon
CC:
Subject: Fwd:Cover Letter (自high版)
Attachment: coverletterselfhigh.docx

Simon,呢條牟梨話要應征wor...

Regards,
Mary




-----------------本部落格純屬虛構,如有雷同,實屬不幸----------------------

2009/05/29

Cover Letter - 自High版

地址:鵪鵠茶餐廳
www.unclecafe.blogspot.com
電話:(你的用戶組不能顯示此資料)
電郵:hooami1986@gmail.com

2009年5月29日
===================================
阿喂邊個邊個靚仔老細
對象名銜:某國際大公司個大粒佬,最話得事個個
公司:梗系某國際大公司,足以影響全球經濟個個啦。
地址:都話係國際大公司咯,
求其行街都見到佢張相個只,
係人都識啦,仲問地址?妖~


阿喂邊個邊個靚仔老細您老人家好:

在下陳某,家中兩老加一家姐,廿年來吃飽飯沒事做,係屋企黏飲黏食行街睇戲撩女仔,無么建樹。弊在現下正逢大學畢業,啱啱過到骨。上排又金融風暴,家下又撞正甲型流感H1N1。屋企斷我米糧,話養我甘大係時候我負返滴責任,就算養唔起佢地老人家,我都唔好意思下下返屋企度水。正所謂上有高堂,下有凄涼。人人都話畢業就應該正正經經搵返份工,出返份糧,做個對社會有用處的人。但對我黎講就只係打算升官發財娶老婆。無計啦,人地個個都搵工,我就順勢跟返個潮流,都搵返份工啦。我都知家下亦都潮流興炒人魷魚,不過如果您老人家首肯,先請咗我再炒我,等我又去另外再跟返個潮流多一次我都唔mind嘎。你又可以跟返個潮流,我又可以跟返個潮流,你Happy我亦都Happy,正所謂一家便宜兩家著吖嘛。

講返點解在下屬意貴公司,其實都幾簡單直接,須知貴公司街知巷聞,念下行出街,人人都見到貴公司個名,。甘至少加入貴公司當我面對啲親戚朋友問起我姓行唔駛解釋甘多,講完個公司名又要解析公司做些咩,響邊度...貴公司就唔同喇,韃個躲出黎,就係人都“哦~”著實慳返唔少口水。第二點呢就都係因為貴公司嘅知名都啦,甘樣至少第一日返工就算蕩失路,周街搵人問都仲係可以準時返工。你都知喇,第一日返工遲到唔好吖嘛...更重要嘅就係絕唔會千唔撿萬唔撿,偏偏撿著個爛燈盞。至于本人,我身高爭一公分至170,有480度近視,崎哩啡面孔,身材偏瘦兼有少少肚腹--總結既係:“我唔靚仔”,唔靚仔,就唔會響公司度同你爭做最靚仔個位;更唔會搞到公司啲女同事神魂顛倒三魂不見七魄,降低嗮地辦事效率;更重要係唔會搞辦公室戀情,搞亂嗮啲人事關系...另外我份人雖然就唔聰明,唔話頭醒尾,但亦都勝在唔會強出頭,起碼唔會係第一個帶頭示威公司福利唔夠好搞罷工。平時只要老細一句我就在所不辭兩胁插刀(當然係講黎好聽嘎啦),不過都算係憨憨居居,易被人砌生豬肉,揹黑鑊,行又行先,死又死先,企就企兩邊,老細睇啱點女滴水不沾

介紹咗甘多,其實我嘅要求就唔係好高,求求其其有返個靚女秘書仔;每個月有兩三萬出入;出街架公司車最好係馬賽地七系列;有司機接送;每年放返我兩三個月假期連機票去歐洲度假,但係如果遇上經濟蕭條縮水到去臺灣我都唔所謂,日本就唔好去大阪啦,最近甲型流感應吖嘛;職位就求求其其封個CEO或者COO,工作范圍行行企企十一點返工,四點放工,一個禮拜返十二個鐘。滿足到以上要求嘅話我而家即刻撲到上你Office立即開工(不過你就唔好過咗四點凈話復我,要計加班,破費吖嘛)。

拿,我講得甘有誠意,希望你認真考慮一下叻,真係要認真甘去考慮喔,我甘嘅人才,又唔靚仔,又識得為公司慳錢,呢個世道無幾個,絕對接近絕嗮種嘅啦,(choi~圙口水講過)...我係你就圙飯應喇


誠意拳拳嘅,
陳某
您公司未來的CEO或COO

2009/05/28

維卡斯·史瓦盧普 - 《六個嫌疑犯》

維卡斯·史瓦盧普 - 《六個嫌疑犯》
Vikas Swarup - Six Suspects
 
有一句話叫作 “Don't judge a book by its cover”
 
我不是遵循此道的人。
畢竟現下市場上的書太多,還要再加上一些舊的經典,
必須忍痛有個有效率的割舍方法。
就像是某些大企業聘請人,也先要求Second Upper,
不是因為成績不好的人就不是人才,而是不得已。
 
書本卻就沒有像CGPA那樣的制度。
當然網上也有書評,還有一些書局的暢銷數據。
而這些年來不知是出于流行還是什么的,
所謂的“暢銷書”越來越多,莫不是愛書,買書的人越來越多?
久了,讓人有點煩厭,變成現在每每我看到一本封面上自喻為“暢銷”的書時,
眼睛和大腦會自動過濾掉該書。
當然這樣令我也錯過了一些好書,像是“達文西密碼”,和“天使與魔鬼”那樣,
我就沒有看過。(當然另一個原因是我鮮少會看小說)

撐著這段空檔,看了些書。
其中的一本就是本欄的標題 - 《六個嫌疑犯》
封面上的副題是
“生命的終結絕不平等,在這個充滿荒謬,淚水與真情的國度,就算是謀殺案,也有階級之分!”
 
副題顯然是作者要在本書中,達到的境界。
 
《六個嫌疑犯》的書名非常切題,因此書的主體,并不是該起謀殺案。
而是該六名嫌疑犯各自的人生。
這六名原該互不相干,南轅北轍,甚至六個極端的人們,
卻被死者所聯系了起來,故事中也不難發現這途中各個角色的互動,以及如何影響各自的人生。
 
《六個嫌疑犯》是七個第一人稱的故事,或許更多(七個是個人看法上的整理)。

因此絕對可以看作是七個獨立的故事。

但,如果把它們看作七個獨立的故事,那我將只看到七個典型的夸張電影劇情,
(當中簡直是寶萊塢影片)
這些故事雖然不至于匪夷所思,但也足夠讓我評斷為:

“能夠發生在地球上的事情都發生了。”

 

最后當這七個夸張到離譜的故事鏈接在一起的時候,雖然是更嚴重的夸張,
給人的感覺卻相反了:正因為整個故事里每一個人的經歷都如此的不令人所接受,才令人感嘆這故事中一直所強調的,不令人所接受,非正義的情節得以發生,也才造就了這更令人感嘆,無奈的結局。最后事實也是一樣的不為人所知道,但身處世界以外的我,卻接受了;相反地卻不接受之前那個不得到伸張的正義,再一次沖擊了這個迷思。

而作者因人而異的記敘寫作手法也相當有趣。
這點上有非常好的理由,因為主線故事中的第一人稱是一個專欄記者。
因此對于六位嫌疑犯的資料搜集上,這樣能夠體現出猶如第一手資料的真實性。
亦同時更能表現出各人物獨有的生活特質。

-當中 退休貪官庫馬,手機慣竊穆納,美國公民佩吉,原住民艾可提 還是用了第一人稱故事記敘體
(因為主角在他們拘留期間是可能與他們交談的);
-但女星莎柏南卻大部分用了日記的形式(因為她有寫日記的習慣);
-而大權在握的內案部長,死者的父親卻用了電話對白形式,這則是因為他的電話錄音全被政敵所竊聽并錄制。
-也不少用了新聞播報,專欄,公開信等形式。使得這本書的表現手法非常豐富以及具體。=)
-最后幾章章節空白間僅有引用的quote非常有意思,也和故事配合得非常好。

2009/05/24

【鵪鵠茶餐廳】桌面

剛做好的桌面。如果你仔細一點的話就會知道本桌面是用什么主題做成的。

喜歡的話就放在桌面上吧。

(晚上對著它大概會肚子餓吧...hohoho。想減肥的人士們就最好別放了 =D )

只有1280x800版本,其它就自己crop吧。

p/s: 吃飽飯撐著閑來無聊沒事干死鬼醬得空就看看它,會有意外驚喜哦! =) 



Version. 2

2009/05/23

小心一名陌生可疑的男子

話說昨日筆者跟著 hao9986, 不死間諜,以及餐具姐姐去看他們的房子。
時候一堆人去了裕廊點的某家蛋糕店,喝了杯咖啡。
旁聽對住家事務充滿了危機感和經驗的餐具姐姐對未來同屋主的災前心理輔導課。

==========================================================

十一點后筆者和hao9986,不死間諜在金文泰巴士車站等著巴士。
這時96上突然冒出一位頗大頭蝦的女士,問到我們將在那里下車。
還是不死間諜比較精細,很快就發現對方對于NUS地點的地理位置不熟悉,
而要到PGP的這位女士恐怕連怎么從Central Forum走去PGP也不知道。
該搭183吧, 她卻未必知道哪里下。

聽到一頭霧水,不知道出于什么原因,筆者就說: “我看我帶她走一趟好了”
于是在登上96號后筆者在繞金文泰中心一圈后下車,轉搭183。 @@"
然后筆者付上的代價是背著一個3-5公斤重的手提電腦一人從PGP走回OKR。

事后筆者聯想了多個版本:

 
1) 筆者想不通為什么這個年頭會有一個女生, 單獨被一位陌生的可疑男子帶著,
還真的相信他會把自己帶到目的地。 我有一瞬間懷疑我是應該把她帶到荷蘭,
甚至帶她繞幾個圈環游地球,最后到一個山卡拉無雷公甘遠嘅的一座森林。
然后瞬間變成一個色魔狂徒至少把她給嚇一嚇。 或許是新加坡這個地方真的讓人覺得過于安全。
不過當事人表示大概是筆者的樣子過于老實(就是天生一副拿好人牌的相...唉...)。

2)就算筆者不把她給嚇一嚇,也應該沿路制造一連串無法解決的意外,比如一下子搭錯方向,
錯過了站, 然后就繞新加坡走個總路程可以環游世界的路線來制造映像深刻和獨處的機會。
因此筆者懷疑自己一直處于單身是因為心機不夠重。

3) 筆者也懷疑自己當時是不是吃了熊心豹子膽,還是見色心起。
居然沒來由帶著一個來路不明的女生。要知道這個年頭連男士處境也非常危險,
尤其別小看女人。 分分鐘筆者就被劫財劫色,先奸后殺甚至先殺后奸。
抑或是这样的一个深夜,搞不好会是像老夫子里一样,该位当事人其实是一个女鬼...
想到這里筆者不禁流了一把冷汗:“原來當時我的處境如此兇險”

4) 承接3, 筆者在思考如果當事人是一位老阿嬤, 筆者是否還會如此積極。
甚至連老阿嬤也不是, 而換上一位身上有二頭肌,腹肌, 甚至光到會發亮的壯男。
那么筆者大概就會隨便指路指到當事人真的到了荷蘭去。

5) 筆者也沒有忘記秉持大學畢業生三大人生目標的精神: “升官,發財,討老婆” 
當中最重要的莫過于發財,因此基于此次事件上筆者想到了一個發財大計: 熟悉校園旅行團。
而熟悉校園旅行團將會是和筆者一直以來有經驗的新生生活營類似, 但改變目標成為生財工具。
筆者相信以他現在學到的 資源分配,入學公務, 校園地理等的經驗,
顧客群絕對可以鎖定在一些對于生活營沒有興趣的人士,而需要認識校園,
甚至需要人安排出入的人士。搞不好還可以借機遇上一些單獨前來無依無靠的美女。
甚至為了擴大營業承包下某些新生生活營的logistic事務。

似乎扯到太遠了,如果您還在繼續閱讀的話,筆者在此一鞠躬表達對您耐心的敬意。